Passage: 1 Samuel 25:1-35
That's supposed to be our passage this week, but I'm going to have us step back to chapter 20.
Resolution Solution #1: Ambulate
Brothers of different mothers, David and Jonathan make solemn oaths to each other before God to be best friends forever, like totally.
That done, David gently persuades his friend that Jon's dad King Saul is not entirely on his rocker about David. To be honest, with a certain amount of justification -- he's killer jealous of David's prowess among the people. They sing David's praises in excess of King Saul, which doesn't settle too well with Saul's suffering self esteem.
Saul asks Jonathan to kill David, but he refuses. He goes further to his dad, reminding him of all the reasons why Saul should love David. Saul, in a rare moment of sanity, admits to Jon being right, and promises not to kill him.
David comes back to court. In no time, Saul loses it again, and this time hurls a spear at David while he's playing his harp for the King. He lets vent his spleen and pursues David to his house, where David has to jump out the window to escape. He makes a clean getaway.
David finds his buddy Jon and demands to know what is going on. Jonathan is astonished. It can't be true! But it is. From Saul's own lips Jonathan is convinced of David's immanent danger.
Now, remember...David is the guy who looked at Goliath and was patently unimpressed. Dude is 10 feet tall, covered in shining bronze. David doesn't even tremble. His God is bigger than Goliath. So why does David even hesitate now?
Resolution Solution #2: Communicate
After being chased over hill and dale, hiding out in nooks and crannies running from King Saul, David settles for a short time in a particular cave. Saul narrows his net toward catching David, but just as he about has him, Saul must return to being King long enough to keep the Philistines from stealing his kingdom. This smacks of obsession gone wild.
Saul returns and needs a pee. He happens to pick the very spot David is hiding.
Oh, the temptation. After what is likely years of being chased. After atrocities that Saul has committed in pursuit of David (he slaughters a bunch of priests and their families -- men, women, children, babies, even their animals all in pursuit of David). David knows this and has had plenty of time to nurse a serious grudge.
David's men fan the flames. Chapter 24, verse 4: '"Now's your opportunity!" David's men whispered to him.'
It would be so easy to slaughter the unarmed mad king, literally with his pants down. Not only dead, but humiliated. David surely must have seen the possibilities in his mind's eye. He creeped out and got close enough to slice a part of Saul's robe off.
But he began to feel bad. He says to himself: "The Lord knows I shouldn't have done that to my lord the king." And now we know why he ran instead of fighting, as he did with Goliath. Crazy as Saul is, David remembers who Saul is beyond the madness. He respects the position God put him in.
David restrains his men and comes out of the cave, calling to Saul, "My lord, the king!". He bows down low before crazy King Saul.
He then reasons with Saul. He shares some of his frustrations with Saul, tells him how he, David, would never hurt God's anointed one, even though given the opportunity. He points out their differences and leaves it to God to judge between them. He calls Saul father. He communicates the pain of their conflict and does it with respect and honesty.
And Saul is touched. He finally recognizes David's future sovereignty and concludes that Israel will be blessed.
Resolution Solution #3: Humiliate
Saul goes home and David, yet unemployed, continues to live in the wilderness. David is a good commander -- he requires that his men abstain from women while on campaign and care for the locals with respect and protection.
It's time for a bit of R and R. David sends some of his men to one of the prosperous men of the area, asking for his hospitality. The man, Nabal, ridicules David's men, and makes fun of David.
This does not go over well when David's men return. David, now not faced with God's anointed, lets loose his hot-headed self and is ready to do some sword dancing.
But Nabal is blessed. He has a smart wife. She hears about what her husband does, and gathers food and wine. She hurries off to bring them to David and his men.
As soon as she finds him, she falls at his feet and urges David to lay all the responsibility for Nabal's behavior on her. She admits Nabal is a fool (which is what his name literally means...no wonder he was nasty -- imagine growing up with "Fool" for your name. No need for the kids at school to make something up to tease you with.) and begs David to ignore him.
Then she reminds David that he's much too good to kill someone as stupid as Nabal. Murder sullies David, and he is much too good for that. And besides, David, God keeps you secure! Your enemies will disappear like stones shot from a sling!
She goes on, alternately singing his praises and reminding him the consequences of hasty action, while taking on responsibility for actions she did not personally commit. She totally abases herself. In the face of conflict, she becomes utterly humble.
And David is not untouched. Vengence is left to the Lord, and it is meted out almost immediately. At home and drunk, Nabal is struck with a stroke when Abigail comes home to tell him everything that had happened. He dies the next week.
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I think that God blesses us with marriage so we can learn all the ways to manage conflict resolution. And thereby get along better with others overall.
Sometimes, it is best just to run. It's time to find a quiet spot and hang out until the storm passes. These times are often when the conflict actually has almost nothing to do with me. Something bad has happened at work, or extended family has floated their challenges to our shores.
Sometimes, it is best to communicate. Trying to fight fair, with compassion, but honesty, saying how I really feel but remembering that he is not actually the enemy. These times are usually when the conflict does have to do with me, where our ideas conflict, where our actions conflict and there is misunderstanding and hurt.
Sometimes, it is best to humiliate. Maybe it's not my fault. Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with me. Maybe I was even right. But to abase myself, I restore the relationship. And vice versa. Admittedly, he probably uses this resolution far more readily than I do. Okay, I suck at this resolution. Probably because he has always been better than me at recognizing this truth: that people are more important than being right.
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