Ham and Cheese Calzone

You'll notice that tonight's dinner is not picture perfect -- in fact, most of it is missing.

Along with working full-time now, I realized tonight that I am starving when I get home. This dinner took just 30 minutes, but I was so focused on getting it in my stomach that I forgot to take a picture first.

So this is what little is left over after the wild wolves that are my family ate to satisfaction.

Christian says that this one rivals the Cheddar Braid we had a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure...it has a lot of ricotta cheese in it, which I like in moderation. And I wish I had put some cheddar in it, like I was tempted to do when I was making it.

Tomorrow is tilapia....I can hardly wait. It's got one of my favorite ingredients in it: panko bread crumbs!

Italian Sausage with Tomato Relish

So, I started working full time last week. It was a complete surprise, so I was caught off guard.

I was offered the job on Friday, then went out of town for the weekend, to come back to an email saying I was starting on Monday.

Cool.

E-Mealz couldn't have come at a better time.

Saturday, after a long week getting used to losing 50 hours out of my usual nap time, I made this delicious dish: Italian Sausage with Tomato Relish. Officially, this puts me a week behind E-Mealz menus, but y'know, it all eats the same: gone in no time.

The truth is that I am not known in my family for my cooking. I didn't learn to cook until I married Ross 10 years ago.

So it felt really great to cook this dish for my brother and mom this weekend. And it earned my brother's thumb's up (with second helpings) so I know it wasn't just me who liked it.

Day 9: Adventures in Dinner

Days 7 and 8 got hijacked by worship practice (a highlight of the week that sits squarely on the dinner hour) and a migraine. So Wendy's and Little Ceasar did the cooking those two nights.

I think I've learned that we're a 5 nights a week of dinner family. Sunday and Wednesday nights see us all going different directions.

So I didn't get to the tilapia until last night. I was, honestly, scared. I don't love fish. I've never cooked it. I also have never had capers either. And last night I was tired, so trying out new things didn't sound very appealing.

Still, we had to eat, the fish was thawed, and the worst that could happen was that it would be a cereal kind of night if I totally fubbed it.

As it turned out, though, it was tasty and much, much easier than I thought it would be. Christian cracked me up when he came back for seconds before I was done plating Ross's fish (pictured here). He hoovered the first helping.

I also thought that one lb. of tilapia would be enough, but bought two just in case. Just as I was sitting down to eat, Rayne came home from her friend's house with friend in tow. Long story short...I gave up my plate and went back to cook the second lb. And there was none left over.

Who knew?

The meal would have been perfect if I'd roasted the asparagus the menu called for. But WinCo didn't have any fresh asparagus and I wasn't going to another grocery store just for that. Speaking of which...that's where I'm headed now, to shop for Week 2. I can hardly wait to see how much money I'm going to save...

Day 6: Adventures in Dinner

I wish it were possible to upload smells because this baby smells incredible.

I was supposed to buy the chicken in pieces, but the whole chickens were in two packs. So earlier this week I cooked one chicken in the slow cooker, and if you'll recall, I mentioned that it was tasty but not very photogenic.

Since this chicken was still whole, I thought I was brave enough to try to cut up my first raw chicken, but as usual, the Joy of Cooking scared me to death. I determined instead to just roast the whole thing, slathering it in BBQ sauce throughout. This turned out to be a pretty decent strategy.

I really like breast meat and I like it juicy. I learned from cooking turkeys that they turn out pretty well if you start them out on their breasts, then flip them halfway through cooking. That's what I did this time and it's too bad I couldn't capture how amazingly tender and juicy the breast turned out.

Since I didn't get the chicken in the oven until way late (4:40), and I was anticipating an hour and a half roasting time (which made for a rather late dinner time), I utilized a seldom used feature of my oven and roasted it at 375 on the convection setting. This cut the cooking time a lot. We were sitting down by 6:15, including letting the chicken rest and carving time. Not bad.

Anyway. Totally delicious. I'm looking forward to doing tilapia tomorrow. I've never had capers before...

Day 5: Adventures in Dinner

Day 4 got hijacked by the fact that I was the only one home for dinner. So I got in my pajamas and made pancakes, which was not on the plan, but were nonetheless quite yummy.

Day 5 (Monday) thus got Sunday's brunch planned meal: Pepper Jack Brunch Braid. Except that I didn't think I could get away with pepper jack cheese so my version was Cheddar Brunch Braid. Served with cantaloupe and smoked sausage.

I feel like a repeating record on this, but it was delicious, extremely easy and was ready to eat in less than half an hour. Really.

I cannot begin to say how much this new way of doing food is helping me. My house is not the usual barely on the edge of not a complete disaster -- I can usually see the kitchen counter now at any given hour. There are vacuum marks in the carpet. (I can SEE the carpet.) Laundry is getting done. The bathrooms got cleaned. The sheets got changed.

I feel like I might be making a success of this housewife at-home-mom business.

(Okay, I admit...I did not clean the bathrooms. Ross gets credit for that.)

Sometimes a single thing helps way beyond the expected and obvious.

Day 3: Adventures in Dinner

Day 2 was really delicious -- slow cooked chicken with rice and green beans. But chicken that has been in a slow cooker for 8 hours is not very photogenic. All that yummy spiced meat was falling off the bone.

So we have a slightly prettier Day 3 offering, which is Taco Bean Salad. I cheated a bit, and got pico de gallo (not called for in the recipe) from the Mexican restaurant down the street.

This is the first time I've ever put kidney beans in with my taco meat, and honestly was a little hesitant about it. I don't love beans. But it was delicious! And that wasn't just my opinion -- Rayne ate all the meat and beans on her plate, but nothing else.

This picture is of Christian's second full plate. He complained that I was taking too long to get the camera...he wanted to dig right in.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow's planned meal. It's gonna be pretty. And very photogenic.

Adventures in Dinner

I honestly have no idea what my blog is about anymore. But I had to share more this wonderful new discovery: Dinner! At home! On a regular basis! Like. Every. Night. Wow.

I joined e-mealz.com.

I now no longer will plan any of my dinners because e-mealz does it for me, and makes my grocery lists. Now, if it would just grocery shop for me!

And how are the dinners? Tonight's offering was Stuffed Shells Florentine.

As it happened, last week I made spaghetti sauce, which always yields enough for three meals, so even though the recipe for tonight called for canned sauce, tonight's version was entirely made from scratch, super easy. And it was very yummy.

Even better, I spent less at the grocery store for an entire week of meals than I used to for several days of my haphazard method of meal planning.

Tomorrow I try another new thing: cooking an entire chicken. Usually I just do chicken breasts. This'll be fun, I've no doubt.

Of Kings and Counting

Passages: 2 Samuel 5:1-5 and Psalm 37

3 So there at Hebron, King David made a covenant before the Lord with all the elders of Israel. And they anointed him king of Israel. 4 David was thirty years old when he began to reign and he reigned forty years in all.

The main point this week is counting on God. David was very young when he was anointed king by Samuel in front of his father, Jesse, and all his older brothers. In all likelihood, as I understand it, he waited at least 15 years from that time until he was recognized by all of Israel as God's anointed King.

In the meantime, he accomplished a few things. He became part of Saul's family, marrying one of his daughters and becoming bosom buddies with Saul's son Jonathan. He won the hearts of all the girls, as evidenced by their cheers of "Saul has killed his thousands; David has killed his ten thousands." He spent a number of years running for his life with Saul in hot pursuit.

Finally, Saul kills himself on the battlefield as he faces an overwhelming tide of Philistines, having witnessed the deaths of three of his sons, including Jonathan.

Israel is a divided kingdom. I remember this, but for tomorrow's study, I think I'll see how that came to be -- do a bit of historical research. I can't remember why Israel and Judah split. The relevance today is that when Judah hears that Saul is dead, they go find David and crown him the new king. Israel, however, is led by Saul's premier army general, Abner, to crown Saul's son Ishbosheth the new king.

Civil war ensues.

Ishbosheth makes it 2 years, but makes a fatal mistake: he forgets who made him king. It wasn't God. It was Abner. Ishbosheth insults Abner, accusing him of sexual improprieties. Abner, in turn, swears that he will do everything in his power to make David king of Israel.

It doesn't end up working. Abner is killed by a vengeful family who had lost a brother to Abner during the civil war. Lacking Abner's protection and guidance, Ishbosheth becomes an easy target for ambitious bootlickers anxious to please the new regime. He is assassinated in his bed. (When the assassins bring David Ishbosheth's head, he is far from pleased. They are executed as a reward.)

All of which leads us to King David's coronation over the united kingdom of Israel and Judah.

David not only waits through King Saul's reign, but through two years of civil war following Saul's death. He waits at least 15 years.

At times, it must have seemed like an impossible memory, this anointing from Samuel. Yet nowhere in scripture do we see David questioning God about this. At every turn, he seems content to wait as long as it takes for God to fulfill his promises.

Then I think about Abraham and Sarah, who also had what must have seemed like an impossible memory of a promise from God. They did not wait for him to fulfill his promise. It did not go well.

Our key verse: Psalm 46:1

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.

I struggle with the promises that God is our rescuer and provider. I have too many examples from history that illustrate how God didn't provide or rescue. So the first time I read this verse, I was, honestly, a little irritated. What about the Holocaust? These were God's own people, for whom he didn't provide or protect.

Immediately on the heels of this thought came the next: it says God is our refuge and strength, not our rescuer and provider. There are other places in the Psalms where it says this, certainly, and Matthew 6 and 8 have lots about letting God be our provider, but not in this passage.

I'm reminded how often God has been my refuge and strength, such that times of trouble are healed and redeemed and now form part of the foundation of my faith.

I pray that I never forget he is always my refuge and strength. I pray that I remember that one of the most subtle times of trouble is when life is so easy, I can coast along without Him. Let me not be so complacent with this life, the status quo that I forget how much I need him.

Amen

****

Next post: Psalm 37.

Aside: Apropos of Nothing

One of my very favorite things in the world, which I now no longer have because my beloved husband let our then-three-year-old play with it was my Angel Mouse. She broke his little arms off, and it was time to say goodbye to the little character who had brightened every Christmas since my early 20's.

Years ago, I worked for a guy with a weird sense of humor. You never knew what he was going to come up with. He always decorated the office for Halloween, usually complete with booby traps to scare the daylights out of his employees that had a sense of humor (or didn't seem likely to sue). One year he got a motion detecting animatronic 3 foot long rubber rat and put it under the accounting clerk's desk. Her scream was sufficiently satisfying such that it guaranteed future entertainment for many years to come.

He also always decorated for Christmas. I don't remember any of his decorations except the year that he got the freezedried white mice dressed up as angels and Santa Claus and hung them from the ceiling.

Let that sink in. Real (dead) mice with little Santa suits and hats, or with little white feathered wings. Hanging as ornaments. From the ceiling. Several dozen of them.

It was fabulous. I had to have one.

Discontent to part with even one of his own darlings, he ordered one for me from the artist in New York. Artist. It was ART.

It was one of my favorite things. Ever. I would LOVE to have little Angel Mouse back.

This has nothing to do with anything. I just felt the need to confess.

***

PS. By the way...I did read my passage for this week: 1 Samuel 26:5-25. I'm not sure what I think about it, except that Saul should have been Short Attention Span Saul. Or Short Term Memory Loss Saul.

The point is supposed to be how we should love our enemies. Mostly, I'm just thinking that it's not good to go halfway with God. Go all the way, or give up entirely. This halfway mamby pamby, I think I might believe in God thing just doesn't cut it.

Which takes us to today's complementary verse: Hebrews 12:24. It tells us to strive to live in peace with others and live holy lives. Before that, though, it encourages us to run the race with gusto. That God disciplines those he loves, just as any father who loves his children. Discipline makes us into better people. It's not fun, but it's good for us.

Again, the theme is more about giving it ALL. Not holding back, not letting fear get in the way. Being ALL IN. Like David, who in this story again holds at the forefront what Saul is, rather than who Saul has become. He is God's anointed, and that is greater than anything Saul himself is about.

May I be all in. May I see God's anointing on those who annoy me. May I be fully committed to living at genuine peace with others, earnestly striving to live a holy life.

Amen

Aside: Working With Your Brain Turned Off

Working with your brain turned off is not a good idea.

Monday I was ambitious. I got lots of work done, all nicely written out in a notebook.

It was the list of lessons for the next 13 weeks of children's ministry. And the beginnings of a good shopping list of supplies that we'll need.

Then it was time to clean up for dinner and all the nice work I'd been doing on the dining room table needed to be put aside. I put most of it away, including the notebook, all with my mind on dinner, not where I was putting stuff.

I'm now ready to start printing off the lessons to get it all bagged up with the needed supplies and organized for the weeks we'll be teaching them.

And I CAN'T FIND MY NOTEBOOK.

Like anywhere. Aaaargh.

I need less stuff.

Love Ya Ta Death

Passage: Romans 12:19-21

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back." says the Lord. Instead, "If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads." Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

When my daughter was very little, she learned about the idea of revenge. I think she got it at a church lesson, or maybe from a story book. She was very interested in words, and for whatever reason, the word 'revenge' really stuck with her.

She was not only interested in words. She was endlessly (and still is) interested in torturing our dog, Lucky. Lucky is very patient, until she has had enough, at which point she will nip little fingers to encourage them to go find another toy.

One day, after being messed with a little too long, Lucky had reached her snapping point, and snap went her teeth. My daughter scolded, "Bad Wucky! That's wevenge!"

I tend to think of revenge in Count of Monte Cristo terms. For me, the word 'revenge' connotes a sense of patient (obsessive) plotting for the utter annihilation of my enemies. Mushroom clouds. Craters. Smoking boots.

This mental picture keeps me from thinking that my petty tit-for-tat responses fall under the Revenge category.

Like my response to the guy who sits on my rear bumper in traffic, "pushing" me past my speed comfort -- I tend to take perverse humor in the fact that I'm in front and he is not. I might even slow down a little, just to make him more mad. My internal (and sometimes not so internal) response is, "Dude, if you wanted to be first, you should have left earlier."

Then came the day that not only did the guy (middle aged, balding) flip me off when he could finally pass me, so did his lovely wife. While the guy was definitely wrong sitting on my tail like he was, I was not above reproach in my response. It was, honestly, revenge.

When I am offended, my first response is not "How can I love this person?"

Perhaps it should be.

Conflict Resolution Solutions

Passage: 1 Samuel 25:1-35

That's supposed to be our passage this week, but I'm going to have us step back to chapter 20.

Resolution Solution #1: Ambulate
Brothers of different mothers, David and Jonathan make solemn oaths to each other before God to be best friends forever, like totally.

That done, David gently persuades his friend that Jon's dad King Saul is not entirely on his rocker about David. To be honest, with a certain amount of justification -- he's killer jealous of David's prowess among the people. They sing David's praises in excess of King Saul, which doesn't settle too well with Saul's suffering self esteem.

Saul asks Jonathan to kill David, but he refuses. He goes further to his dad, reminding him of all the reasons why Saul should love David. Saul, in a rare moment of sanity, admits to Jon being right, and promises not to kill him.

David comes back to court. In no time, Saul loses it again, and this time hurls a spear at David while he's playing his harp for the King. He lets vent his spleen and pursues David to his house, where David has to jump out the window to escape. He makes a clean getaway.

David finds his buddy Jon and demands to know what is going on. Jonathan is astonished. It can't be true! But it is. From Saul's own lips Jonathan is convinced of David's immanent danger.

Now, remember...David is the guy who looked at Goliath and was patently unimpressed. Dude is 10 feet tall, covered in shining bronze. David doesn't even tremble. His God is bigger than Goliath. So why does David even hesitate now?

Resolution Solution #2: Communicate
After being chased over hill and dale, hiding out in nooks and crannies running from King Saul, David settles for a short time in a particular cave. Saul narrows his net toward catching David, but just as he about has him, Saul must return to being King long enough to keep the Philistines from stealing his kingdom. This smacks of obsession gone wild.

Saul returns and needs a pee. He happens to pick the very spot David is hiding.

Oh, the temptation. After what is likely years of being chased. After atrocities that Saul has committed in pursuit of David (he slaughters a bunch of priests and their families -- men, women, children, babies, even their animals all in pursuit of David). David knows this and has had plenty of time to nurse a serious grudge.

David's men fan the flames. Chapter 24, verse 4: '"Now's your opportunity!" David's men whispered to him.'

It would be so easy to slaughter the unarmed mad king, literally with his pants down. Not only dead, but humiliated. David surely must have seen the possibilities in his mind's eye. He creeped out and got close enough to slice a part of Saul's robe off.

But he began to feel bad. He says to himself: "The Lord knows I shouldn't have done that to my lord the king." And now we know why he ran instead of fighting, as he did with Goliath. Crazy as Saul is, David remembers who Saul is beyond the madness. He respects the position God put him in.

David restrains his men and comes out of the cave, calling to Saul, "My lord, the king!". He bows down low before crazy King Saul.

He then reasons with Saul. He shares some of his frustrations with Saul, tells him how he, David, would never hurt God's anointed one, even though given the opportunity. He points out their differences and leaves it to God to judge between them. He calls Saul father. He communicates the pain of their conflict and does it with respect and honesty.

And Saul is touched. He finally recognizes David's future sovereignty and concludes that Israel will be blessed.

Resolution Solution #3: Humiliate
Saul goes home and David, yet unemployed, continues to live in the wilderness. David is a good commander -- he requires that his men abstain from women while on campaign and care for the locals with respect and protection.

It's time for a bit of R and R. David sends some of his men to one of the prosperous men of the area, asking for his hospitality. The man, Nabal, ridicules David's men, and makes fun of David.

This does not go over well when David's men return. David, now not faced with God's anointed, lets loose his hot-headed self and is ready to do some sword dancing.

But Nabal is blessed. He has a smart wife. She hears about what her husband does, and gathers food and wine. She hurries off to bring them to David and his men.

As soon as she finds him, she falls at his feet and urges David to lay all the responsibility for Nabal's behavior on her. She admits Nabal is a fool (which is what his name literally means...no wonder he was nasty -- imagine growing up with "Fool" for your name. No need for the kids at school to make something up to tease you with.) and begs David to ignore him.

Then she reminds David that he's much too good to kill someone as stupid as Nabal. Murder sullies David, and he is much too good for that. And besides, David, God keeps you secure! Your enemies will disappear like stones shot from a sling!

She goes on, alternately singing his praises and reminding him the consequences of hasty action, while taking on responsibility for actions she did not personally commit. She totally abases herself. In the face of conflict, she becomes utterly humble.

And David is not untouched. Vengence is left to the Lord, and it is meted out almost immediately. At home and drunk, Nabal is struck with a stroke when Abigail comes home to tell him everything that had happened. He dies the next week.

****

I think that God blesses us with marriage so we can learn all the ways to manage conflict resolution. And thereby get along better with others overall.

Sometimes, it is best just to run. It's time to find a quiet spot and hang out until the storm passes. These times are often when the conflict actually has almost nothing to do with me. Something bad has happened at work, or extended family has floated their challenges to our shores.

Sometimes, it is best to communicate. Trying to fight fair, with compassion, but honesty, saying how I really feel but remembering that he is not actually the enemy. These times are usually when the conflict does have to do with me, where our ideas conflict, where our actions conflict and there is misunderstanding and hurt.

Sometimes, it is best to humiliate. Maybe it's not my fault. Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with me. Maybe I was even right. But to abase myself, I restore the relationship. And vice versa. Admittedly, he probably uses this resolution far more readily than I do. Okay, I suck at this resolution. Probably because he has always been better than me at recognizing this truth: that people are more important than being right.

Heart Housekeeping

Passage: Psalm 51 as it relates to 1 Sam 16:1-13

There's so much to this passage. But first, we'll start with the stuff I seriously just don't get.

This is something I have slowly learned to get used to in reading the Bible. I don't get it. Sometimes, it doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. So I learned to pray about that and just move on. I'm learning to be okay with not getting it. Eventually I do, and when I do, it's like SCORE! It's better than hitting a secret big sale at my favorite store.

So here are my puzzlers:

4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;....

Uh...David, seriously? What about Uzziah? He was sort of sinned against to death, don't you think? Not to mention Bathsheba, who had her life turned upside down by your impulsive choices. Yeah, I admit, I don't get this line.

5 For I was born a sinner -- yes, from the moment my mother conceived me...

Yes, I believe in original sin. Clearly, since people still die a physical death. The world is still subject to the consequences of Adam's choice. But I really don't believe that a baby in the womb is a "sinner" as in someone who has committed a sin. I guess it's possible that he could be using "sinner" as one who will commit sins because of our fallen nature as humans. Still, this one is a bit of a puzzler for me.

My favorite section...it almost leapt off the page at me:

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.

I really love this part.

I am so distractable. I am constantly thinking of lots of other things to do besides nurture my relationship with God. It's all I can do to get this blog post done because Ticket to Ride is calling my name...and the new season of Project Runway has started and I have the first episode on DVR.

Nothing terrible happens when I give in to this distractions. Not at first. But eventually, I find myself being my old self centered me (not that I get very far from this me anyway, but...) using words and having thoughts I don't really want in my life. And I wonder how my relationship with God got to be so mechanical and lifeless.

This is where marriage is such a blessing. Marriage to Ross continues to teach me that my relationship with God is just as in need of maintenance. Lucky for me, Ross is not as patient as God is. He is a lot more vocal about wanting my time.

I never was very good at friendship. My brother is amazing at it. He is still close friends with the same guy from when he was 12. They've been friends for 28 years. I used to think that my brother was just built more loyal than me.

I find it pretty easy to let go of relationships with people. I used to chalk it up to being the lifecycle of friendship for me. I only developed friendships with people who came into my life naturally. I worked with them. We were in the same club. We went to the same church. Worked in the same ministry. Loyalty lasted as long as the natural, easy connection was tended by proximity and convenience rather than actual effort.

That's just not going to cut it by the way I read the Bible. Love takes effort. I need a loyal heart, and it will have to start with God. After that, I hope I will find it easier to tend my human relationships.

Facile Facades

Passage: 1 Samuel 16:1-13

7 But the Lord said to Samuel, "Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Dear Jesus,

Sometimes I wish you judged by the surface, taking me at face value. I could probably handle that on my own. Most of the time, I look like I've got it all going on. Especially if you didn't use your super x-ray vision omniscience to see behind closed doors. I could totally rock this Christian life then.

I could say that I love reading my Bible the moment I wake up and you'd never know that I was really just sleeping in. Every day. Or I could say I spent my evening praying for the needs you laid on my heart and you would never know I was actually catching up on Season 6 of Medium.

You'd think that my smiling face on Sunday morning was genuine worship...and really, most of the time of it is. But you wouldn't know about those times when I'm actually thinking about all the stuff I screwed up or forgot to follow up on or the people I didn't call back because I have a totally irrational fear of talking on the phone.

I'd have to insist you stay out of my car too, because not only is it a mess, you would undoubtedly notice that my peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control all get thrown out the moonroof when I have to share the road with other people. Other (old) people that drive 5 under the speed limit when I'm in a hurry.

I could just follow the cultural rules of American Christianity and pretty much just skate my way to heaven. I could slide in like socks on a hardwood floor.

But then, there would be no one in the whole universe who knows everything there is to know about me. And loves me anyway. There would be no one to make sense of the stupid things I used to do, and no reason, really, to have stopped doing them.

I could be skating my way through life. Purposeless. Pointless.

Instead, in exchange for knowing you see every part of me, in exchange for yeilding to your judgement and wisdom, I get Real Life. I get to see you work through me, challenge me and change me into what I was supposed to be in the first place.

And that makes me want to be more real, more genuine, more me than ever before, such that my outward appearance and my heart start looking pretty doggone similar.

Love,
Jennifer

Where The Eye Leads

Passage: Isaiah 26:3

I hate rubbernecking. With absolutely no data to support it, I am certain that more accidents are caused by rubbernecking than tailgating.

Not long ago, I was walking through my neighborhood. One of my neighbors was out with his son, who was showing off his brand new skills at riding a bicycle without the training wheels. The little boy was very serious about his business, riding his bike. And then, he saw me. I must have been fascinating, because he stared at me. He was entranced. Fixated. He was totally focused on me, until I had to dive out of the way because he was going to run me over.

He went where his eye led.

In today's passage, we are plunged in the middle of a song of praise to God. The song is in response to an enthusiastically graphic description of the end of the world. The bad guys come to justice, the good guys are restored, all is finally right and good.

They sing of perfect peace those who trust, those who fix their thoughts on God.

It's so easy to sing of...so hard to do. Like rubbernecking. Here is a once in a lifetime opportunity to see real drama from a safe distance that doesn't actually involve me. Of course we want to look. The twisted cars, people in distress, telling black marks on the pavement, shattered glass fragments scattered like diamonds. I find myself trying to imagine how it happened. And I want to look.

But if I do, I won't be looking at the road in front of me anymore. Which is where I want to go. And which, presumably, contains any number of cars I am also not watching, but am heading toward. That split second of inattention and suddenly, the drama very much involves me.

So I don't look. At least, when I'm remembering where my eyes are supposed to be.

Whoops, He Did It Again

Study passage: 1 Samuel 13:1-14

You gotta feel sorry for Saul after a while. The guy goes out looking for donkeys for his dad and comes back an anointed king. I figure it wasn't exactly on his 'to-do' list, you know?

Worse, it seems to me that while he'd been anointed a king, nobody knew about it, so it probably had a 'did that really just happen to me?' sort of vibe to it. It would be easy to think you dreamed it and whew, aren't you glad that didn't really just happen?

But then the Israelites began clamoring for a king. And it all seemed much too real. So much so that Saul, despite being the tallest and best looking guy in the country, went and hid. With the baggage. Nothing to see here, moving right along. But as he found out: you can't hide from God.

So now he's king. Only now everyone knows about it. But he seems to have not let it go to his head, because next time we see him, he's out working in the fields. You think of the majestic splendor of Solomon's kingship just two generations away, and here is Saul with his hands dirty, sweating in the hot sun, following the unattractive end of a ox. I'm thinking it hadn't quite sunk in yet.

Now the Israelites get the king they were asking for. Neighboring king Nahash is out to expand his eye-gouging empire when the news comes to Saul as he's working in the field. Saul becomes a holy terror, tearing apart two oxen and sending the pieces out as a visual cue for what to expect if you messed with him. Nabesh is sent packing.

The next accounted battle, Saul's son knocks over a hornets nest when he takes on a garrison of Philistines and wins. Suddenly there are as many Philistines "as the grains of sand on the seashore", all itching for Israelite blood. And the loyalty of Saul's army is proven: they scatter to hide under any rock they can find.

Saul is supposed to wait for Samuel to come and seek God's blessing on the approaching battle. He waits a week. I can just see him drumming his fingers on his armor. He turns to his assistant and grumbles, "Dude, where is Samuel? We can't start this party without him!" Meanwhile, Saul's fighters are melting away like the Wicked Witch of the West in a hot tub.

I wonder what Saul did to kill time while he waited. Maybe he made a list of other career options.

Finally, Saul has had enough. He figures that Samuel isn't coming so Saul makes the sacrifices and burnt offerings for the battle. And just as soon as he is done, Samuel shows up.

You have to love God's timing. It makes for killer reading material. But you know, it sucks to live through personally, especially if you're the impatient type.

So many stories just like this one. God promises Abraham descendants beyond number, years pass, then decades, until sheer physical limitations push Sarah (biological clock says tick-tock, tick-tock) to take matters into her own hands.

This week, we're supposed to looking at worry and how we're supposed to lay it all on God. I see it as more about patience and trust. So often we worry about things that will never happen. But how do we handle waiting for God to fulfill his promises? Make out a list of other career options? There are only two things on that list, spiritually speaking: follow God, or follow the other guy. Suddenly, waiting seems to go down a little (sometimes a very little) bit easier.